Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in love_dispair's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
11:31 am	my life as of right now>>>>> So alots been going down, i haven't written in this mother in well forever. i love that iv'e been hanging out with my old gang lately they're all amazing and i love them to death (nikki-lynn, nicky, erin)...i miss olga and anna, that stupid bitch breanna is a whore and won't get over the fact that shes unwanted. lol. but i really hope nikki and nicky gets to go to bumbershoot labor day weekend it will be the coolest!! i met a person about 3 weeks ago that makes me feel like the world can't possibly get any better. i feel like the power of his kiss is to powerful for me to open my eyes. me smiling isn't out of the odinary when i'm with him. The word LOVE is such an overly used word that i'm afraid the meaning is gone in all of it, but the way you said it made me believe your truth. and i love you, i love being with you, and i love everything about you. Swept away By the wonder of it all So amazed Never saw it coming Left me dazed And i don't know where to turn Here and now Seems i'm standing on the edge Looking down I can clearly see your face In the crowd Makes me feel i'm not alone If i fall Will you catch me Seems to me I'm exactly where i dreamt I would be And the view from here is Something to see But i need a hand to hold on to If i fall Will you catch me Current Mood: restless Current Music: Aqua lung- if i fall (Comment on this)
Friday, March 11th, 2005
11:50 am	Simplicity I'm really happy today. and i'm really excited because Tim made a song out of some lyrics i wrote. its sounds way rad and its neat!!! I wish so badly that i didnt have to go to my cousins wedding, so i could go to to the beach with anna, olga, tim and eddie. This sucks!!!! i wanted to go with them so badly!...Tim, you suck!!! haha well here goes: The only thing I wanted The only times I ever felt alive Were the ones I spent smiling with you The only moments I ever felt were right Were the ones I couldn’t hold on to As I laid my hopes and dreams in your heart I found the point of replication tearing me apart Now when backing away becomes routine It leaves me wondering….. What have we done? We’ve become such a burden Our vital cores Only I knew it all along This happiness would end, In every great sorrow And the only thing I wanted Was to feel the security of your lips And the only thing I desired Was the feel of your finger tips I needed to look behind my shoulder And know that you’d be waiting for me I had to cover my mouth Just so you could breath To go back, turn around and see the times when our faith was each other Would be, looking straight through my eyes Nothing, you are to me as I am to you…. ♥ Cals Current Mood: grateful Current Music: The only thing i wanted- Tim Yalgolnikov (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 10th, 2005
12:00 pm	so stupid i must be so stupid.... D***d-To like someone so strongly, that i barely know S***t-To love another who is the one who has hurt me the most B***n-To miss whos right in front of my eyes, the lovliest of all.... I'm so sorry for all the hurt i've troubled you with, i'm so, so sorry. I don't know where to go from here... Once I knew where i was going But these maps are getting turned around all i have left is your hand to guide me guide me to the right place. the only one who's been there from the start who found me when i was lost thank-you, fore you are the greatest love alive ♥ Current Mood: confused Current Music: ++ (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 8th, 2005
12:59 pm	love and dispare Its prooven fact that it hurts to love, yet it doesn't to hate. so i lvoe only for hurt.....whats the point? Current Mood: crushed Current Music: emery- as your voice fades (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 15th, 2004
10:48 pm	a founded place... Its way crazy how better my life has become since i've found god...like its almost crazy. it's not like im some holy SOB, but he's just there, and i know he'll never leave my side. its weird how all the temptations i had before aren't realy there, or as hard to deal with. I'm way greatful to have everything, and everone i have including: olga, anna, brian, julie, savannah, matt, erin, glenn, nicole, nikki, jordan, teej, bryan, spencer x 2, brent, daniel, shane, gabby, chris x 2 and all the reat that i love to death..... Thanks for always being there for me...i love you much!<3<3<3<3<3<3 Current Mood: drained (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, December 3rd, 2004
6:01 pm	a bold night....and the two of hearts.... A BOLD NIGHT: A night such as tonight so bold and bright Only bring back the thoughts of your eyes A pain to much to bare yet I only crave for more I wish only to be a witness to our sunrise Why couldn't I be cherished such a time before? That night your arms held me tight That night I never thought twice without putting up a fight This night at an ending break I wasn't able to catch my breath I inhaled your last take Only to exhale the rest.... in you held the blood warmed sincerity that I’d been hoping for, this dagger struck me as I laid my eyes on your truth, I’d never take it back, please take it back, I’d never take it back...don't beg for me to see you again, I’d never take it back. THE TWO OF HEARTS: I can't to look into your dark brown eyes, i know they're invisioning someone new, you say these words as if they don't mean anything, i don't know if these words rolling off your tounge are true, worth believing, now i stand as my heart breaks into a thousand mirror pieces i saw the images of all of those you said you loved..... in your endings you will feel the pain that iv'e felt before, i should have looked away as your eyes asked me for more, peircing me with your glare i hurt so bad, no one expects that my days were so sad, so open up your eyes see the sadness that you spread, flowers wilted n' hearts are dead..... (Comment on this)
Friday, November 26th, 2004
2:11 pm	SYX Tonight i'm going to a SYX concert...i don't know them but Mikey really wanted me to go, and since i havent been the greatest to him lately i'm going. i'm kinda scared though cause i don't want to get moshed to death, i heard they were pretty heavy stuff. I can't wait till tomorrow either, i get to hang out with one of my best buds, nikki-lynn...shes the greatest!...armon and matt are probably gonna hang out with us to. were gonna go to the movies then drive around pumpin' up g-unit tunes and doing chinese fire drills, it'll be off the wall! haha, i can't wait till next wednesday too, cause i'm pretty sure im gonna go to the jimmy eat world and on the speakers concert..that'll be even better....my lifes finally turning around i think, better and better everyday, for a while i got tired of waiting for something good to happed, ya know? Now i'm just waiting for the ride to stop again...i really need to work on my school life though...its way hard though cause i hate school and i get distracted really easily. I dunno, but i do know i love this song..>>>>>>>> When the sun came up We were sleeping in Sunk inside our blankets Sprawled across the bed, and we were dreaming There are moments when When I know it and The world revolves around us And we're keeping it Keep it all going This delicate balance Vulnerable, all knowing (Sing like you think no one's listening) You would kill for this Just a little bit Just a little bit You would kill for this (Sing like you think no one's listening) You would kill for this Just a little bit Just a little bit You would Sing me something soft Sad and delicate Or loud and out of key Sing me anything We're glad for what we've got Done with what we've lost Our whole lives laid out Right in front of us (Sing like you think no one's listening) You would kill for this Just a little bit Just a little bit You would, you would (Sing like you think no one's listening) You would kill for this Just a little bit Just a little bit You would Sing me something soft Sad and delicate Or loud and out of key Sing me anything Current Mood: anxious (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 24th, 2004
12:49 pm	its been awhile Its been a while since i last wrote... nothings up, accept i really really like matt, hes the awesomest kid i know ...and hes way cute and everytime he smiles i feel like im gonna die cause its so gorgous! lol ok i'm not obsessed or anything, hes just really great. I hope he likes me too...oh well, but thanksgiving is tomorrow and i can't wait to eat turkey and mashed potatos....it'll be the greatest!!!!!! hahahaah, yeah i can't wait till the next concert im going to, i don't know why but i'm just really in the mood for a show....well..i gotsta be going i'll ttyl! <3 ya all!....bye (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 30th, 2004
8:10 pm	i held my breath to see you... gosh, im stressed out to the max lately, no one probably really noticed but i am...not that anyone needs to know that..lol...i hate people who cry out on these things just to let everyone know how mad they are at the world or how depressed they are or even how they cut thereselfs just to feel better about themselves..not that i don't care its just you don't have to post it all over the damn internet just to let people know you need help or sympathy or whatever....okay now i think i feel better for getting that out there lol. So yeah..i met some really cool people lately, daniel and shane r totally awesome, and so it jordan. also i met these to really hot really cool kids named tyson and tyler at the concert last friday! have you ever realized that your dying as we speak...yet your living to?...thats weird!lol....or that everyone wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die? any whoo....i love brian, james, daniel, shane, jordan, t.j., kenten, westin, glenn, leigh, ronnie, and of course ronny hahah....wow i love men! hahaha later~ Current Mood: crushed Current Music: emery-fractions (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 16th, 2004
3:59 pm	to you.. i thought since everyones being cool and putting the songs they wrote on these things i better show a little of what iv'e got... i saw you this past night your lips against hers pressed slightly tight this knife that tore the sheets still sharp your hearts not the only one punctured i closed my eyes only to hide her face this tear placed on the window ceil evaporated as the sun came up as my deep dream of us faded into two and if you only knew i loved you to death and even if youdug up my grave the dirt in my hand would be in the shape of a heart to tell you of my sincerity its sad because your thoughts of my reasons don't even come close to the right and im afraid that you'd take it back it was so good to see you this past night only if you knew i ended it sooner because it would have happened later or that it would have hurt more because we would have fallen harder please try to understand i loved you to death and even if you dug up my grave the dirt in my hand would be in the shape of a heart to tell you of my sincerity then it would be clearin your eyes that all us you wouldn't dispise now that these meteors crashed they're calling in back up to put out the fire and once the galaxy gets resituated the sky still seems bright from down below.. well that was it that was my song i wrote called JUST SO YOU SHOULD KNOW. and thats all folks! Current Mood: horny Current Music: OAR-crazy game of poker (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 11th, 2004
11:19 pm	why am i writing this...no one looks at it anyways! hey this has absolutly no point of doing this cause i bet there are only 2 people in this whole damn world who look at it! so..in that case this ones for you guys! so i like james..u don't care. also this week has been the most stressed out week for everybody i know. everythings just hitting peolpe in the back of the heads as if we are in ww1....haha...i love brian copley i wanna have little copley babies with his sweetass!..by the way he does have the nicest ass iv'e ever seen!anywho tomorrows gonna be off the sheezie..brian, james, me, savannah, nicky, nikky-lynn, and hopefully whoever reads this should go to the movies with us tomorrow..it'll be fun...well...yeah hi brian, and glenn and kevin..if your still at glenns! i love u all! Current Mood: crazy Current Music: la la la la la bumba! (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 9th, 2004
6:08 am	Woke up way too early.... well i woke up way too early cause im sitting here at about 6:10 all ready for school. yesterday was great..james made my day by saying that i wasn't just cute but i was beautiful...hes such a sweet guy! anywhoo...were back too school and my classes are pretty good..i'll have to work hard but i think i can do it! this weekends kinda gonna suck cause i hafta leave to go to seattle..first to the mariners game then to the wsu game..it'll be ok. the only good part is i'll get to see my brother, i really miss him! but it sucks cause i don't get to go to the nw fest or the first real football game of the year in camas. oh well....i'll be off to school soon so 'll write later...i love choo all! Current Mood: chipper Current Music: sydney-halifax (Comment on this)
Monday, August 30th, 2004
3:31 pm	whoo hoo! well i havent wrote in a while so i'd thought i'd update...im way excited for orientatuion..to see everyone and stuff. its gonna be a good year i think, and im looking forward to it! im also excited cause sometime soon snow patrol is having a concert which is gonna be totally awesome!...well i love you all! Current Mood: bored Current Music: letter kills-don't believe (Comment on this)
Friday, August 20th, 2004
9:48 am	missing you... gosh these last couple of days have been hard with out you here and i miss you with everything iv'e got....also i miss the hell out of brian aka bacster, and of ollie and anna you need to come home you guys!!!!!!...monday im leaving for canada for a couple days then on the 2nd im going to the beach which is gonna be off the heezie!!! haha and iv'e been out of my mind bored these last couple of days cause no one has called me to do anything*hint hint* lol jp but ya i miss everyone and i kinda can't wait to go back to school so i can see them but this is gonna be a sucky year cause all the awesome people are graduating like bri, brenden, justin, anna, whitney, and other peeps..well g2g ill see you on the flipside! Current Mood: amused Current Music: the streets ft. chris martin-dry your eyes (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, August 6th, 2004
4:41 pm	seattle! seattle here i come!...tomorrow nick and i are going to seattle for the day and were bringing sara and kristen back down hurr with us...its gonna go way fun and i can't wait till awesome fest witch is next friday, which im totally going to!...clark county fair is here and its gonna be exciting for all of us(u know who u are) to go. i love all y'all!.....~DONT FORGET TO VOTE!~....... Current Mood: high Current Music: phantom planet- california (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004
4:27 pm	yay im so bored.. its tuesday and im extreemly bored. my mom is taking me back to school shopping tomorrow ...i totally don't want to go back! but i get to drive soon and i can't wait!...this year we're gonna go on a cruze either to mexico ar the bahamas..its gonna be off the hizook! i finally saw and talked to scottie for the firsdt time in forever last night, it was pretty cool. and also anna, anna, cj, bryan, and leigh came over last night and we went to the vitigo gallery it was fun but not as fun as i had last week! now im just waiting to go to BA or do some other shiz with anna...they need to call me lol... i love you all! Current Mood: flirty Current Music: chronic future-time and time again (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 1st, 2004
3:26 pm	options of kindness the last couple of days have been off the walls crazy! im way happy your ok and ill always be here for you no matter what(you know who you are)....Crazyboy: i miss you alot i still love you with everything i've got, i hope we end up together again soon im going almost crazy without you and ill never forget you playing standard lines for me even though you never sang for me i had the time of my life thanks...and one thing i'll never forget is the silences that were ment to be awkward were never awkward for us.I LOVE YOU!~ Augustus is a pretty cool mofo wigger...he helped me do the dishes so that makes him awfully speacial. John...well what can i say? met him had fun...not much more to say there lol you gals at BA know what i mean! Current Mood: chipper Current Music: green day-good riddance (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 17th, 2004
2:42 am	ello poppet hey its me joey...today at 7:30 is the emery concert..im so excited im going insane..there so awesome! yeah and i have a cool feeling again lol...."in the middle of a gun fight, in a middle of a resturant they say come with ur hands raised"...well i gotta go but u people have to go to the emery concert! Current Mood: ditzy Current Music: my chemical romance (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 4th, 2004
6:55 pm	4th of july its the 4th and im going to hang out with ollie and anna its gonna be fun, i think were gonna go up on top of prune hill to lite fireworks n' stuff. but later mark and his cute finland friends might show up and erin and kurt/k (can't remember which)might show up. it will be fun if olga ever calls me back! love u all and call me if u wanna come at-nine-0-three-6-three-4-five. (Comment on this)
Friday, July 2nd, 2004
11:05 pm	11 o five hey im home from my state (cali) and im off grounded and i need to go have some fun soon...i might go crazy!...lol glenn and brian need to call me to go do something cause i miss the hell out of those 2 love birds lol ill write more later....i love you all! Current Mood: crazy Current Music: lovely jewel music played by a dork named scott (Comment on this)